It’s been a while…..
Yet my life has been pretty busy.
I’m gonna blabber a little…
This past weekend was one of the very few challenging times. So I’m going to get into this by speaking about relationships and so on so forth. Because I feel like in some sense we all have some kind of experience, and some have less.
I’m gonna be off subject real quick but, these past few months I have been trying to find better and healthier alternatives to my life. So I searched and searched and found that the only way that you can be healthy is by putting yourself first. I stopped eating meat about a month ago. I wanted to see if it would help me with my anxiety, fatigue, stress, etc and you’re probably wondering what the hell does this have anything to do with relationships? A lot! Because if you are stressed if you’re constantly tired if you have anxiety, your relationship is bound to have a turn. You will get into more fights will get into more arguments, because you’re not you. So I noticed that when I made one sacrifice in my eating habits, other things started to change. I’m in a better mood, I am happier, I feel healthier, and I look healthier. And when you look in the mirror and you feel that way, who can get in the way of your vibe?
Seriously it works. So my significant another and I have been on a very good relationship basis. In other words amazing conversations, great discussions, great things to learn from, good laughs, heart to heart connection. And that’s everything. I am learning from him also how to not let everything get to me, because that’s what I do. I get so caught up with useless and ridiculous thoughts and perceptions, they fuck me up. And it’s really all about your thinking. It’s what’s in your brain and what you allow it to think.
Let’s get to this weekend.
It was his birthday and I wanted to make sure everything goes perfect. You know when you try so hard to make everything perfect, that’s when things go wrong ha ha ha ha. So don’t. Be on your awesome chill pace and let things roll. Don’t try to control it and make it “perfect”. There’s no perfect!
I tend to believe that there are no perfect relationships. I was approached with some questionable mindsets that I had never even considered. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love a good conversation with a good argument. But when you are trying to take a question that you know you cannot answer yourself, don’t ask it to someone else. If you are well aware that by giving someone a certain lecture you wouldn’t be able to follow through, don’t. I mean it’s the same thing as that saying- “practice what you preach”. If you don’t practice what you preach to someone else, it makes you look incapable. I don’t know the answers to everything. I love to ask so that I can learn!! For me, relationship advice is very fragile. You have to have major experience and understanding of relationships/marriages, to be able to fully explain to someone what they should do and how. And when I say experience, I am also including hypocrisy. We all know very well what that means.
“Don’t cheat don’t lie” (I never did it but it’s ok if I did just once)
Note: some people can smell a lie from a mile away.
I tend to get very literal when it comes to arguments, sometimes it works in my favor and sometimes it works against me.
Anyways, there was an argument, and it escalated somewhat drastically. My theory is if you’re going to start something, please have all the facts straight, your evidence and back up on what you know, please know at least even a little bit about my life. And I am open…… but when you remove intelligence and respect and decency from a discussion, and then you sit there and throw dirt at the person for defending themselves, what are you left with? A disaster and individual who couldn’t have an intellectual mature conversation.
The conversation began with the word “cheat”. What is cheating to you? What would you do in this situation? Do you think about it? Do you sleep at night wondering about this? Is it worth worrying about? Does me bringing this up make you think about it?
OK here it is: I don’t believe that cheating is the answer to any struggling relationship, I think it’s an excuse to throw the relationship out the door, and it’s the easy way out, maybe for the moment, but it’s not easy, because what you know will hurt another person, will eventually hurt you too. I feel like when a relationship is struggling, communication and two strong individuals mutually figure out the situation and resolve it. Even if that means going separate ways, it is mutual. And the pain is less because nobody betrayed each other. Betrayal is not a way, it’s painful. So I recently had this discussion with someone and it turned to be a very difficult talk. I have learned a lot in my life, I have been hurt, I have been in love, I have been cheated on, I may have hurt someone and I never knew, but I experienced a lot of emotional and difficult moments. So I can tell you right now, I learned so much from each one. The more pain you had, the more you learn from it. The more people you hurt, the more they learn from it.
I’ve been rejected, hurt, betrayed, disrespected, and you know what? I am so much better today because of what happened then. Because I know what I don’t want, and I know what I do want, and I know what not to do to hurt others. Even if they hurt me. I’m not here to hurt anyone’s feelings.
But I simply want people to understand that until you know someone so well, and you have heard from them about their life, please don’t try to give lectures on how to live their life, and how to manage the relationship, etc. unless you are a psychologist, therapist, or have massive education and experience to truly give to another being certain that IT WILL change their life.
The two people in my life I admire immensely, is my mother and my significant other. Those two have stuck by my side through and through, in the hardest times, in my darkest moments, when I felt sick when I felt alone, when I was scared. They chased every fear away, or comforted my heart to the point where I learned to grow into a strong, warm and delicate woman.
Orchestrating a conflict between someone who loves another, doesn’t make you noble and smart. What it does is prove that drama is more important then resolution. In my opinion resolution is the most important!!
For me; respect and kindness goes hand in hand. It’s everything. I’ve never felt so infuriated and upset and angry in my life when someone misjudges me, and disrespect my point of view because theirs sounded better in their heads. Everyone’s version of reality is different and you can’t force someone to think like you. So if you know that you believe things they don’t, fighting with them and throwing dirt to their feelings won’t do any good.
To end this on a good note, please, and please do not give relationship advice to couples, unless you are a therapist or Doctor Who knows what they’re doing and was specifically asked to interfere in a heated conversation with a couple. You are a friend, stay a friend. There’s nothing worse than a friend getting in between a couples discussion. In this life we all have a place. And we need to stay in our place. Do not throw out your advice unless desperately asked or instructed to do so. The good thing about relationships is that if you are in one, You two could resolve your problems by yourself. And never allow someone to get in between and try to make amends after creating the argument.
Be smart, silence is safe and respect is EARNED. Never demanded !
I will never except relationship advice from somebody who has continuous failed relationships, due to a lack of honesty, and trust, two components of a healthy relationship! 😘
Don’t be mad I let it all out 🙈